Toothpaste Conspiracy?!

April 21, 2009 at 7:30 am 41 comments

Nothing but a ploy!I’d rather not think about toothpaste. I’ve got other more important things to ponder. While I resent the 87 different brands, flavors, additives, and claims I have to evaluate before I can throw a tube of dentifrice in the shopping cart, I am able to get over my selection angst. After that, I pretty want to brush and move on.

But I can’t. Alas, sometime when I wasn’t looking, some marketing idiot designed a new cap. The old cap wasn’t good enough. This  new one has to multi-task. Like the ketchup bottles and the SoftScrub, toothpaste caps can’t just keep the contents inside the tube, they have to be able to, what, stand the tube on end? For what possible purpose? Like I have space for a toothpaste display on my bathroom counter? I think not. (Besides I tried that. After half the tube is gone, the tube falls over. Trying to get it to stand on its own is like balancing an egg on end.)

So despite every attempt NOT to think about toothpaste, there I was thinking about it. Why the cap change?  I think I figured it out. All the extra stuff they put into toothpaste to keep your teeth from rotting, make them white, numb the pain from your exposed gums, prevent plaque buildup, and stop mold from growing all over your mouth, somehow changed the consistency. Or maybe they just made it thinner on purpose just so it would drip out of the tube on its own. That’s it, I’ll bet!

Eeeeew!Try and stand the tube on end and (duh!) it exits the tube that much faster. The more spilled in the cap itself and on the bathroom counter, the faster the consumer has to buy more!

Not THIS consumer. I changed the cap!

MUCH better!It was a highly technical operation. Upon close examination I discovered that the bulbous, over-sized, “stand-it-up” cap could be removed! Ah HA! And under it was a threaded opening that was EXACTLY the same size as all the other tubes of toothpaste I have ever purchased. I just took the top off my travel size tube (only slightly less expensive than the suitcase I tote it around in) and used it to cap the larger tube! Perfect.

So, to re-cap (pun intended):

  1. The “old-fashioned” way was better.
  2. I am the master of my oral hygiene products.
  3. On a good day, I can outwit a toothpaste conglomerate.
  4. I now have to keep track of the old cap so that I can put it on all future toothpaste purchases.

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Entry filed under: Miscellaneous Musings.

OK, I Changed My Mind. Again. I Am A Beverage

41 Comments Add your own

  • 1. HelenMarie  |  April 21, 2009 at 9:22 am

    5. You have ‘way too much time on your hands.

    But on my list?
    1. Thank you for solving my messy-toothpaste-tube angst, I’m pretty sure the tubes up at the mountain house have old-fashioned tops! Whoo-hoo!
    2. Can we talk about the chocolate syrup bottle caps that are made the same way and grandchildren (and/or husbands)who put them back into the refrigerator without securing them (of course, because putting the darn icky things under hot water for a sec to get rid of the goop that keeps the syrup from glopping up between cap and top, preventing proper closureof these satanic devices would mean they might get caught at their evil chocolate-syrup-slurping crime)

    lol
    xox

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  • 2. Diane Petersmarck  |  April 21, 2009 at 9:23 am

    Another thing for you to worry about . . . as far as I know, Aqua Fresh is the only toothpaste made in the USA. Check your tube for THAT information!

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    • 3. Jo Cox  |  May 7, 2009 at 10:57 am

      Not true…most versions of Crest are also made in the USA.

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  • 4. Miss Conie  |  April 21, 2009 at 9:27 am

    The re-use of the old cap is very politically correct as your blue tube is now “green”, but what to do with the discarded new caps? Maybe a quilt embellishment or necklace pendant of some kind……I’ll work on it.

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  • 5. Georgia  |  April 21, 2009 at 9:29 am

    You’re awesome! I’ve been complaining about those new caps, too. Mine was changed out within a minute of the time I read your posting! Thanks.

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  • 6. Julie J  |  April 21, 2009 at 9:33 am

    Thank you for being vigilant on our behalf and sharing your discoveries. I appreciate anything that thwarts the big companies trying to run even the most personal parts of our lives…. :-)

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  • 7. Edwina Murray  |  April 21, 2009 at 9:34 am

    One other note…if you cut the end off the tube…when you think it is empty! it probably lasts for about 5 more days! more for your money! works for me everytime!!

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  • 8. Debbie  |  April 21, 2009 at 9:37 am

    For the most part I would agree, but I do use another sytle of toothpaste tube that stands upright also Crest for the reason that I do not have much room in cabinet and a toothpaste that stands upright takes less space than a tube laying on its side. Just another point of view

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  • 9. Corinne Meharg  |  April 21, 2009 at 9:38 am

    You are absolutely right about the cap! It leaves a mess on the counter and always looks disgusting. The worst part of it is that my husband is a dentist and likes that kind of toothpaste. I’m going to search the house for an “alternative” cap and see if he even notices.

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  • 10. Jackie G  |  April 21, 2009 at 9:39 am

    Yea for you! I cut “empty” tubes in half and use the toothpaste that remains in the top and bottom of the tube for DAYS and DAYS and DAYS. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do!

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  • 11. Jean Burke  |  April 21, 2009 at 9:42 am

    How about the toothbrushes? They make these big, fat handles that don’t fit in the porcelain holder that is cemented to my bathroom wall! Now what do I do? Did the skinny handles cause untold cases of carpal tunnel? Who thinks this stuff up – and to whom can we complain? Thanks for a place to vent. I agree about the schmancy lid for the tube – it doesn’t stand up after a while so what’s the point?

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  • 12. Joy  |  April 21, 2009 at 9:44 am

    You are so smart!!! Toothpaste tops are just one of those little aggravations that I fuss about for a second, then just forget. Another aggravation is foil and wax paper rolls—I always cut myself on the metal cutting edges, and the boxes end up just collapsing and causing me to almost throw the whole thing away!! There’s gotta be a better way!

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  • 13. Kathy Jones  |  April 21, 2009 at 9:59 am

    Ami, I am so pleased that you have solved this important problem for all of us. Now, do you think you could use that marvelous intellect and figure out the world’s problems? It will take someone who can see a big problem and make it managable to co this.
    Thanks for sharing.

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  • 14. Jannett  |  April 21, 2009 at 10:05 am

    Every night and morning as I put toothpaste on my brush I ponder about the “good old days” when toothpaste was not so sticky and did not make that awful mess around that “new and Improved cap.” Thanks for letting me know how to get rid of the cap at least!!
    I like the idea to embellish a quilt, very creative.

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  • 15. Nancy R Nelson  |  April 21, 2009 at 10:14 am

    Just don’t let Madison get it!!! Nan

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  • 16. Hilary N.  |  April 21, 2009 at 10:19 am

    Funny – just thought of that yesterday when I bought toothpaste. Why mess with good? I, too, am tired of all the “spillage” into the top – and not a single one of the male species knows how to put it back on correctly or clean it!!!
    AND… Crest products (except those with scope of ez squeeze tubes which are made in Mexico City) ARE made in the USA unless specified on package.

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  • 17. Lynne K. Moorhouse  |  April 21, 2009 at 10:23 am

    With all the money the government is giving out you would think they would have a study grant on toopaste tops. hehe Maybe Ami you could get a large grant for the study you have already done. Oh the complex problems of running a houshold. Thanks for the info on the tubes.

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  • 18. Nancy Correll  |  April 21, 2009 at 10:35 am

    When you get close to the end of your tooth paste, you will be surprised or how much paste is left in there. I cut my tube down and keep using what is left in there. I put the cut tube in a small plastic bag and you will get about a week or so of more tooth paste. Just think of the money you are saving. I do that with my lotions also. I enjoy your emails very much.

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  • 19. qmjudy  |  April 21, 2009 at 10:35 am

    Ami – glad you figured a way out of your problem. I prefer the stand-up caps, as I keep my tube out and it takes less room that way. Being ultra cheap, I have a plastic key-looking squeezy thing that rolls the tube up as it’s used. So it always stays balanced.
    Takes all kinds, doesn’t it?
    Judy
    P.S. And re: the “time on your hands” – I have found that I am still flailing, a year after Mother died. I often stop and say “what should I be doing?” After being so involved for so long, I find that some of my life fell away. Any ideas, comments, or suggestions?

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  • 20. Nora J  |  April 21, 2009 at 10:55 am

    Ami, here’s what I do, which works almost the same way. I just keep the original cap closed and unscrew the whole cap whenever I use the toothpaste. Thus, no mess inside the cap because I haven’t squeezed toothpaste out that way. This is what you can do if you don’t have the old type cap.

    Brilliant! ~~Ami

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  • 21. Katieinnebraska  |  April 21, 2009 at 11:00 am

    I always look hard to find the toothpaste that says “regular paste.” It’s not easy to find – it’s usually on the bottom by your feet. So, what does the PRO in Pro-Health mean, anyway? For? Professional? PRO shows up everywhere….Pro-vitamin. I guess it’s just supposed to reassure us that we should buy that one?

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  • 22. Susan  |  April 21, 2009 at 11:16 am

    Well, ever since Flip Wilson promoted the flip top for Colgate, I think it was, I have hated those tops because they are soooo messy. The first ones didn’t allow you to stand the tube on end, but messy all the same. With those, I don’t use the “flip,” I just take the top off when I want to use it. If you should loose your one regular top, give that a try. In my kitchen I have a hot water dispenser that I use for the honey and chocolate bottle tops! LOL Maybe I need one of those in the bathroom!
    Susan

    I love Flip Wilson! Now I’m having second thoughts about all my whining. –Ami

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  • 23. jan Canyon  |  April 21, 2009 at 11:45 am

    Did you know Wal-Mart sells TWO brands of toothpaste in their entire aisle display??? One other brand, Rembrandt, is located somewhere else!
    Jan

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  • 24. Marsha  |  April 21, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    Cutting the tubes open when they are “empty” really does reveal a lot more toothpaste that you could never get out by squeeqing. The same goes for any plastic bottle or tube, lotion, shampoo, conditioner, etc. It costs so much, may as well get it all and get your money’s worth!

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  • 25. nkanders  |  April 21, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    Ami= Could you just email those cap pictures to the
    customer service site at the toothpaste company?
    A picture is worth a thousand words!!!

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  • 26. Karen Scribner  |  April 21, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    The cap can be put in with recycling (directions here say for a plastic item rinse and put it into bin with cap separate: just give them the tootpaste cap).
    Don’t play their game. Get the toothpaste without the blue dye. Keep it on it’s side to avoid the dripping. Use baking soda, the fluoride is replacing thyroid in our bodies and making us sick.
    I love your words, thank you so much!

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  • 27. Mary Ann  |  April 21, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    Wow! Once again you prove, “Ami is a Genius!” Thanks for sharing.

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  • 28. Judy Lineberry  |  April 21, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    Re: Your item #4 of how to keep track of the old cap…. how about using fabric glue to glue the loose selvage ends to the cap thereby having a “cap on a loop”. Cut the selvage as long as you like in case you want to hang your toothpaste on a hook or something.
    JudyL

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  • 29. Katie  |  April 21, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    Ewww. I haven’t seen that cap yet. I search the displays for “regular paste”. Hard to find sometimes!

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  • 30. Dyanna  |  April 22, 2009 at 12:18 am

    My solution? Toss the paste and get on the Toothsoap bandwagon. I found it online, decided after all the testimonials that there might be something to it….I figured I’d try it for 6 months and see if the dentist could tell the difference. So I went for my scheduled cleaning and BOTH the hygenist and the dentist asked me what I was using on my teeth….there was nothing to scrape off!!! Five plus years later, no cavaties, no gum problems and very clean teeth. The liquid soap, citrus flavor for me, is more expensive than drugstore toothpaste but is more convenient and only takes a drop or two to do a good job. My teeth still feel clean in the morning after brushing before bed….that’s a first for me. AND, its an American made product.
    I really like that part!!

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  • 31. Mrs. Goodneedle  |  April 22, 2009 at 7:38 am

    They ought to attach another cap, the old style, and they could charge even more $! Very funny post.

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  • 32. Amy  |  April 22, 2009 at 8:23 am

    How funny… As I was reading, I was thinking – my toothpaste doesn’t have a standy-upy thingy…

    But I use one of those “not in every grocery store – pharmacy” brands of toothpaste, so I doubt that they are thinking about repackaging.

    Being able to find my flavor when I want it – that is another story…
    Cinnamon Clove – my teeth love the CLOVE!

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  • 33. Margie Veon  |  April 22, 2009 at 9:33 am

    I heartily agree- and how about those stupid caps on mustard, mayo, ketchup etc. that leak watery stuff when you first squeeze them? And that are never rinsed by those males in the house!

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  • 34. HelenMarie  |  April 22, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    I have a suggestion for Joy, about those foil, waxed paper and plastic wrap boxes. Did you know that the major brands have a “punch-in” at each end of the box to secure the cardboard inner roll from getting all smooshy? Who woulda thunk it? Can’t remember who told me this, but what a wonderful thing. And it’s been there all along and I have been on this planet for 60-hum years and only learned this recently!

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  • 35. Mary Kirwin  |  April 23, 2009 at 4:30 pm

    Haha. I like the phrase “selection angst.” Mind if I use it?

    Be my guest! :)

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  • 36. ssk  |  April 24, 2009 at 8:23 am

    Your comments on the toothpaste cap and the resulting comments from your blog readers were thoroughly enjoyable! We used to be Crest users, but I hated those caps so it was one of two reasons we switched to Arm & Hammer (the other being that my dentist told me the best tooth cleaner was baking soda and peroxide! I’m curious about the Toothsoap Dyanna mentioned. It is often a collection of little irritations that can ruin a whole day and while solving the “messy cap” problem won’t solve all the world problems, it may make the day a bit better for someone. I’ve passed the information on to friends – many of whom were pleased to hear it.

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  • 37. Anne Mains  |  April 26, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    …And I thought I was the only one who cuts the end off the toothpaste to finish it up!!!

    My other complaint about the new cap is that the toothpaste tube looks too much like a tube of hand lotion. So far I have managed to stop myself from putting lotion on the brush – but the day will come.

    Unfortunately, I don’t think I have any old toothpaste caps.

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  • 38. Sherwood Snyder  |  September 26, 2016 at 4:03 pm

    Since you are into toothpaste caps…where might I secure, beg, borrow, steal or purchase 4,000 of the little white things, aprox 4/8 x 5/8″, ribbed. Am working on a huge art project and need them ASAP since I am 88 years old and running out of time. Any suggestions?

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    • 39. Ami Simms  |  October 19, 2016 at 4:14 pm

      Sorry, I don’t have a clue, but good luck!

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  • 40. Jill Battles  |  March 7, 2017 at 3:35 pm

    Thank you so much for this!! I hate the new caps. They are SO messy and unnecessary! I gently squeeze the boxes to see if they have new caps. That worked for a while but now they are ALL new caps! I will now guard and treasure the one small screw on cap I presently own to replace new tube caps! Thanks again!

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  • 41. James Turner  |  April 14, 2017 at 8:57 am

    I was glad to learn of this simple solution. The new caps produce mess and waste — in this consumer’s opinion.

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