Santa Dog Brings Tidings of Joy

Mom’s busy. She is procrastinating. That’s why you haven’t heard from her.

Mom said I could bring you holiday greetings, however. So, like the song about the merry gentlemen resting, I bring you tidings of “Come Fur and Enjoy!” (I’ve recently been brushed.)

I love to wear my Santa suit. Mom made it for me. There was a hat too, but I don’t wear hats. (Tell her, please.) 

We’re wrapping present now, which is a good thing because I don’t smell very many under the tree for Madison. I will smell again later tonight when nobody is looking. Mom doesn’t wait until night-time. She vacuums the presents that say “AMI” under the tree. She tries to see if she can move them around and guess what’s inside or possibly suck part of the paper off. 

Mom is the worst present-wrapper ever. Nothing ever lays flat or matches up. She rips the paper all the time (half the corners are bare and poking out) and she uses lots of tape. I try to help whenever possible by holding things and suggesting places to strategically cover the rips and tears with bows. I wrap for her, but Mom is the only one that likes yellow fur under the tape.

One of our Internet  friends recommended this singing video on You Tube. Mom and I got a big kick out of it, so I hope you watch it. http://vodpod.com/watch/2393854-silent-monks-singing-halleluia

I hope you find something nice to chew on under your tree this year and may all the squirrels that come into your yard be a little slow so that you can catch them and give them big Christmas kisses.

Mom will write again soon. Meanwhile, tell me what you’d like for Christmas!

Madison T. Dog
(A.K.A.  “Santa Dog”)

Dog In Charge

Mom’s busy writing the newsletter today, so she put me in charge of the blog.  She said I should put together a BIG SALE of something I really like. So, I picked her “Dog-Yeared” calendar quilt pattern. Paws down, it is my favorite of all her patterns because, well,  it’s all about dogs!

There is a dog for every month, and they are all adorable, and they look like the month they are supposed to be. You can machine applique them or applique them by hand/paw.

The “Dog-Yeared” calendar quilt pattern comes with full-size patterns and lots of pictures and words to tell you what to do and when to do it. Everything is on a CD which is cool. You can print off only what you need.

You even get a free pattern on the CD for the back of your quilt. (It’s a fire hydrant!)

I look a little consternated in this photograph. The back of Mom’s quilt was on the disign wall, and it was so life-like, and we dogs have …urges… Should I? Shouldn’t I? Don’t worry; I didn’t.

Since we haven’t gotten to January yet, now would be a really good time to start your “Dog-Yeared” quilt. If you want to take advantage of a very special offer (even BETTER than 2-for-1) you have to order before midnight Thursday (9/3/09) or before we run out of CDs.

Don’t wait! Supplies are limited! Order now!

Plus, all orders get a free applique pattern (line drawing) for a block that looks remarkably like me! (It will be emailed to you.) After you read the directions on the CD you can take the line drawing and make a Madison Block.

And, if you’re one of the first 100 people to order Mom says I can give you a chunk of fabric from MY stash.

AND, everyone who buys a “Dog-Yeared” calendar quilt pattern gets a chance to win this “October” block that Mom sewed. Stick it in your quilt! (One down, 11 to go!)

Because I’m helping pack orders this month (part of the deal) please don’t expect our usual speedy delivery. While we will process orders all this week, they won’t ship out until next week, after the holiday. We will email and let you know when your order ships.

Please tell your friends about this special offer and I’ll get more kibble at dinner.

Love,
Madison

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And she friends everyone on Facebook, even cats!)

Dog Celebrates Birthday!

Madison T. Dog here. I hope you missed me.

It was my birthday on July 14th. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want anybody to go to a lot of trouble. A little trouble would have been OK, just not a lot of trouble.

I was happy to let the day pass sitting out under the tree in the back yard sniffing  things or rolling in bunny presents, but Mom and Dad had other ideas.

They took me on a car trip!

We do this every summer because it’s so much fun to be near me 24/7.   I had a pre-trip bath and everything. Daddy took out BOTH middle seats in the van so that I could have all the room I could possibly want. The van was born the same year as I was, 2001. I have gray hair; the van has rust. It also rattles. To my knowledge I do not rattle, although my toes occasionally click against the kitchen floor. I find this quite melodious. Mom does not. Dad doesn’t mind. Dad and I do lots of things to please Mom.

I don’t remember exactly where we went or how long it took to get there because I like to sleep in the car, but the picture of me and Mom’s leg was taken at the Virginia Barbeque Company which, by my calculations, could be in Virginia. Mom and Dad enjoyed eating at one of the outdoor tables as we all watched the traffic go by. (I don’t eat barbeque or other people food except ice.)

We stayed the night at a very nice pet-friendly B & B in Mt. Joy, PA on the first night. B & B stands for Bed & Breakfast, unless you’re a dog and in which case it means Floor & Kibble. And Mom brings the kibble.

Mom and I had several very nice walks around town. It’s a very old town and the houses and shops come right up to the road. There was just enough for us. Mom thought the planters downtown were very quilty, so instead of any good pictures of me, we have pictures of the dumb planters.

The next day we went walking around the neighborhoods. I am standing in front of my favorite house. The people must not like washing dishes. After dinner they stick them out in the flowerbeds.  We thought that was way cool. Doesn’t my foot look nice? Mom trims my nails and all the toe fur in between. I know, TMI.

After our walk, we continued in whatever direction we were driving because Daddy had a great big surprise for us. He likes to do that. 

Here’s a hint of what we did next, can you figure it out from the picture?

OK, I’ll tell you. We went to Lancaster County to sniff Amish things! It was fabulous! They have very large dogs, called horses which I am mostly terrified of, except they smell SO-O-O delicious. Mom said that even if their presents were in the middle of the road, they were OFF LIMITS.  We had a great time looking at farms and fields and then we took a buggy ride! (That’s where the wheel over there came from.)

Mom and Dad saw lots of interesting things out the windows of the buggy. Mostly I slept. We went down some very busy streets and out in the country too. Our Amish driver told us about the area and we saw people working in the fields, laundry hanging on the line, things growing, a lady pushing a lawnmower, and other fun things. If you ever get a chance to take a buggy ride, you should do it. I give it four paws up.

After Lancaster (pronounced LANG-kuh-ster) County we hopped back in the car for more excitement, like battlefields and colonial settlements. Those were all in Virginia. I am allowed in National Parks as long as I don’t go in any buildings and stay on my leash. Well, not ON it literally. My leash just has to be attached at one end to my collar and at the other end to somebody who wants to walk me around. That would be everybody. I make friends easily.

Our next stop was Washington, D.C. and I met more dogs there than any place else. We stayed at the very swanky Hotel Monaco a few blocks from the Mall. (Not the shopping kind, the other kind with grass and big buildings and monuments.) When I arrived they gave me a paper sack with my name on it, which I carried inside myself. there was a water bottle, pretty green poop bags (hint, hint), treats, and a toy in the bag. The bell person brought up a tray just for me with a food dish on it. He put it right on the floor. (Please don’t tell them I had a little drink out of the ice bucket; I just couldn’t wait. Mom washed it out real good.)  I also got my own doggie newspaper with my name on it.

They wrote my name on the digital picture frame in the lobby and took my picture so the humans knew the names of all the dogs staying at the hotel while we were there. They even put a food dish and a water dish just for dogs and I was invited to have whatever I wanted, whenever. I was also invited to Happy Hour. Everyone fell in love with me. Here’s Mom and I on the red carpet at Hotel Monaco. We traded off who carried the umbrella and who carried the water bottle. (It was really sunny and hot. You’re supposed to stand under the umbrella and drink the water.)

Here we are in front of the White House!

 

Here we are stopped for a second in the middle of the crosswalk so you could see the Capitol Building behind us. See how long my tongue is? It was really hot outside. After I had a drink of water Mom poured some on my head to cool me off. (That was pre-crosswalk.)

 

We walked over to the Washington Monument and it is very tall, especially if you don’t clear 3 feet with your ears perked. 

 

We also looked for the Madison Monument, for obvious reasons. No luck.

 

Hope you’re having as good a time as I am this summer.

Love,

Madison

 

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Taking Myself For A Walk

The warm weather is back.  I’m an all weather dog. I like warming myself in the sun and I like resting my somewhat hairless underside in a nice patch of  snow too.  Either way; doesn’t matter.

Mom hates winter. She’s not too fond of summer either. She finds fall depressing because it’s only going to get colder. Spring is good. She likes spring. If it’s not too cold or too hot. Seventy-one degrees and she morphs into an Outdoorsy Woman. Until the wind blows. Then she whines.

Now that Mom can stand to walk outside, I get to come to the Mall too. I find this very exciting. I am very good at walking. We just go in the parking lot around the outside edge of the Mall, but away from traffic. Unless it’s too cold then we cut some parts out and walk closer to the buildings.

Mom sometimes gets tired of holding my leash. Sometimes she makes Debbie hold it. Most of the time she let’s me walk myself.

Mom cut off my tail with the camera in this candid shot. She’s so inept with technological things.

Here’s a better view where you can see my tail. I am wagging.

Mom rarely photographs my best side. Out the four sides that I have, my rear is my favorite part of me. I have a beautiful butt with long flowing golden retriever feathers.  If you even come over to see me I will back up into you (so you can see my rear) and then turn around and look at us. I am very flexible.

If you’re curious, I always “go” before I leave home. Mom taught me to pee and poop on command. Mom always has “dog bags” in the car just in case, but I don’t leave presents unless I’m told to. When we go overnight someplace, Mom says I can leave some; so I do. Mom always picks them up. But sometimes there’s no place to put my presents so Mom takes them home to throw away.

Mom would like to take this opportunity to apologize most profusely to any citizens driving down Miller Road about 4 years ago when it started to rain that one day when she forgot we were hauling presents. We’re very sorry. Very sorry indeed.

Oh, in case you can’t read the sticker on the car, it says:

My Golden Retriever is smarter than your Honor Student.

(Can’t say the same for Mom.)

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Doggie Cam

I have a new toy! I’m not allowed to chew it, my people won’t throw it for me to fetch, and I can’t lick it either. But boy, is it FUN!  I have my very own Doggie Cam!

Mom invented it. She took a quick release mini tripod and Velcro-ed two of its legs to my extra dog collar. The third leg gets wedged in this funny loop on the top of my old service dog backpack, the one I used to wear for my Nannie when I was her helper dog.

It looks like I have a camera growing out of my head in this photo (thanks, Mom) but it isn’t really. It is stuck to my extra collar. And then I have a real collar that works with the leash.

You can see the Velro strips  (red and black) securing the tripod to collar.  I can move my head anywhere I want it to go, including up and down.

The key ring on “handle” of my backpack just keeps the tripod from swinging all the way around to the bottom which would give you an “under chin” view which would be upside-down. My backpack also shifts when I move so it’s pretty comfy. (Yes, and I am a walking car door opener. I just need a human person to push the buttons.)

I have to carry two large bottles of hand cream, one in each side compartment of my backpack so keep it from flopping too much. And then the left pocket gets a bar of soap to counter-weight the camera which has a pretty high center of gravity and no place in the MIDDLE of it to screw onto the tripod. Yes, Mom stays up very late at night to think of these things.

Dad volunteered his old camera, but don’t tell him because I don’t think he knows yet. (Hi, Daddy.)

So when I’m all ready, Mom pops the camera in place and turns it on.  We have some practice videos that mostly show Mom’s behind as I follow her around the house. She said we are NOT going to put those  on YouTube. Then we shot this one last night once I got the hang of wearing the camera.

I can’t go under the table wearing the camera. The table and me are just about the same size. When I walk under it I don’t have to slouch. But, with the camera above my head I clunk the table which terrifies me and makes me run very quickly through the house looking over my shoulder in case the table is chasing me. This causes me to run into other objects which also terrorize me and could possibly come after me.

Going around corners fast is problematic because I sometimes slam the camera into the wall. Mom says that’s why we’re using Dad’s camera. She’s so funny.

Mom also didn’t prepare the house with extra cleaning and such to get it ready for our first video.  We were pretty impromptu. That’s French for “not prepared.” So just ignore the mess. We also forgot to turn on all the lights before we started. Welcome to MY world.

Did you notice that Daddy watches TWO televisions at the same time? He is very talented. He also listens to sports on the radio at the same time and can tell you the score of all the games if you want to know. Mom usually doesn’t want to know. I don’t mind either way. The best part is Daddy always stops whatever he’s doing when Mom starts talking or when I woof to go outside or back in again. AND, he can throw things to me while he watches and listens to stuff.

My favorite part of the video is when Mom ran into the furniture in the dark. I do that all the time. I’m going to watch that part again.

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Lucky Dog Has Own Quilts

 After all that quilt counting the other day I was going to whine that my Mommy never makes me any quilts. Then I remembered that I commandeered one that she made, shown in my mouth here when I was younger. I figure this is close enough.

Mom thought it would be cute to have me pose with her fabric pizza. What she didn’t understand is that anything I put in my mouth then automatically belongs to me. My spit, my thing. Get over it.

I can be slightly neurotic about my fabric things.  I have three: the fabric pizza, a piece of knotted polyester fabric Daddy gave to me and Mommy nearly had a fit over,  and my bedroll when I go to sleep over some place.

I like to carry them around the house and wag furiously. I am very gentle and very proud, holding my head up high and my tail straight out. I also like to massage the fabric with my mouth, like an old man  with a cigar, but I know that’s not allowed. Mom says it’s gross and I think she’s afraid I will chew and choke. Still, sometimes I forget and Mom has to remind me. Sometimes I forget a lot and become a nutcase nuisance. Then Mom has to ask for whatever treasure I have in my mouth back. Next thing I know, I come in from outside and it’s gone. Poof. Disappeared. Don’t know how that happens.

Sometimes, as I have a fairly good nose, I will catch a whiff of one of my hidden fabric things. I am very good at sniffing out my fabric pizza, for example. I will pester Mom to give it to me. I stare intently at where I think it is hiding. (I am usually correct.) Then I back up quickly, perk my ears up, exhale loudly, and stare. I stare at her, I stare at where my fabric pizza is. Back and forth, snorting and dancing until she gives in. 

If she were only slightly more intelligent I wouldn’t have to work so hard. But, like most humans, it’s not her fault. She’s in her own little world.

I have two amazing quilts that were made for me and Mom thinks are hers.

This quilt is of me and it was made by Julie Higgins from Indiana.  Julie saw a picture of me somewhere on Mom’s website that Mom took when I was a puppy. I didn’t belong to her at the time; I lived next door. But I was worming my way into Mom’s heart. This is one of my favorite poses because my jowl is caught up on my big poky side teeth and if you look close you can see that I have two crooked lower teeth.  (They match the two crooked top teeth that you can’t see, and all four of them are very cute.) Humans think I’m smiling, but my jowl is just stuck.

This quilt is actually named after me, Madison Il Cane which is Italian for Madison The Dog, or Madison T. Dog which is me. It was made by Donata Gervasi who is from Italy.

It was made from a picture too, but I don’t know how. Mom made me a tuxedo which I love to wear because then I have three tails. 

Donata made me a pleated shirt just like my real one and sewed whiskers on me and everything. Well on the quilted me. I have my own on the real me.

Mom and I both love these quilts because they are of me and because there is nothing you can do that is more special than giving somebody a quilt, except maybe giving them a kidney or other internal organ, but you wouldn’t want to hang that on the wall. Mom gets to love the quilts close up; and I have to love them from afar. Not even allowed to sniff. Even so, how lucky can a dog be!

Thank you Julie and Donata for making my Mom feel to happy.

Madison T. Dog

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QuickBooks Pro 2009

Mom wanted me to ask if there are any accountants out there who know of any great deals for QuickBooks Pro 2009. We have to upgrade. Sigh.

We got an email from the nice people at Intuit explaining that they have to disable some fun things we use in the program we already own so they can sell us a new program that does the same thing as our old one.  It probably has other things that we might need too, but they probably involve learning. I don’t mind learning. I learned how to hold this 37-pound instructional booklet for QuickBooks Pro 2006.

The nice people at Intuit want to charge us $199 for the upgrade directly from them. The nicer people at Office Max and Office Depot want to sell us one for $99. I’m wondering if it is missing the 37-pound instructional booklet. 

I have been googling, but can’t seem to find anything better than $99. If you know of a better deal could you let me know. Please don’t tell me about the kind of deals where the stuff falls off the end of a truck. We are not interested in those kind of deals.

Remember: QuickBooks PRO 2009.

I thank you kindly. Mom should be back blogging tomorrow. She’s up to her eyeballs in your underwear today. Happy Spring!

PS: We use QuickBooks Pro for both Mallery Press and Alzheimer’s Art Quilt Initiative invoicing, not just figuring taxes and stuff. The part they will disable in May (if we don’t upgrade) is our ability to email invoices. We like that part a lot.

Nobody reads the manual. I just like to carry it around.  :)

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Multi-tasking Annoys Dog

Mom hasn’t blogged for a bit, and she’s sorry. Not sorry enough to wander over to the computer, but “sorry.” I’m not because that means I get to hoist my furry carcass up on her chair and blog instead.

Wait until she has to pick dog hair off her seat, THEN she’ll be sorry.

Mom has been working full tilt on the FindAQuiltTeacher.com web site.  She came up with this great idea to get teachers’ information to people who hire them all in one place, in one format. And, big surprise, people are interested.  So she’s making web pages and things called Teacher Fact Sheets. Big deal.  I am still needy.

Mom likes to multi-task. Personally, I just can’t wrap my head around it. Dogs are single taskers. Accept pets. Stop. Fetch ball.  Stop. Chew ball. Stop. Return ball. Stop. Accept more pets. Stop. I don’t care to be fed while being petted; I might choke on something. If you throw TWO things for me to fetch at the same time I get confused. I know my limitations and I’m OK with them.

Mom accidentally dropped a lone kibble into my water dish the other day and I felt compelled to eat it. Trouble was I had to get to it first which involved much drinking. By time I snagged the stupid thing I was so full of water I sloshed when I walked.  Eating and drinking at the same time:   NOT a good idea.

Today I personally witnessed Mom triple-tasking and it was ugly. I had a bath. Actually, as I am very well-behaved, I have showers. I have shared before that during a “bath” I am imprisoned behind the impenetrable plastic curtain with no way of  escape and that Mom is in there with me.

Let me stress that Mom removes all of her clothing for this irritating ritual and it is pretty pasty white in there. I try not to look. I don’t much care for the partially hairless varieties of my own species. Looking at that much furless anything is almost more than my stomach can handle. I also keep my head down hoping that by doing so I render myself invisible so that the stream of water will not be able to see me and douse it’s intended victim.  So far that hasn’t worked.

Mom has also run out of dog shampoo. Bath & Bodyworks Shower Gel (Cucumber Melon or Green Clover and Aloe) previously only went on my head.  Today it went eveyrwhere. And Jennie, dear human sister, remember that luffa thing you left in the shower last time you were home? I’d let it be. It has seen my nether-regions, if you catch my drift. You may want to buy a new one. But I digress.

In addition to my bath and Mom’s bath, we had a third activity this morning. Mom shaved her legs. Both of them. She mentioned that she was delighted she had enough time to “do both.” (Whatever that means.)

As my job when Mom bathes is to lean against her and patiently wait until the impenetrable plastic curtain is moved to reveal the rest of our bathroom, this new shower activity kept me from doing this.  It also included yet another foul smelling gel which, due to our proximity in the porcelain prison, was unavoidable.  And it didn’t merely suds, it FOAMED. Major ick.

I steadfastly maintained my leaning position, which I thought would make Mom happy, but it did not. It merely caused her to flip around and face the other way for the second leg,  forcing remnants of the “used”  leg foam to touch my fur.  I put up with a lot for this woman.

Once we were sufficiently rinsed and released into the bathroom at large I was forced to endure yet another ordeal: blow drying. The leg thing set Mom back a few minutes so she set the dryer to HIGH. Still the massage felt nice and she probably did that to make me forget I was so odoriferously inconvenienced.

I have now licked myself all over in an attempt to return my rightful dog stink to all of my fur. Several more licking sessions and I shall be back to normal in about a month.

Until then, I remain, embarassinlgy yours,
Madison

And We Helped!

Madison T. Dog here. Mom’s been procrastinating, so I thought I’d take things into my own paws until she’s ready to blog again.  Please bring your furry friends over to the computer as this post is for them. (You can read it too.)

The photos below are of all the dogs and cats who helped raise money for Alzheimer’s research for the Alzheimer’s Art Quilt Initiative while all the people were at the International Quilt Festival in Houston last year. Remember my Great Idea?

Arlo has his head in a hole in the backyard looking for coins he planted there last spring, Gray Souffle has her head under the mattress looking for mad money, and Jackie is resting after going through her Mom’s purse.

Here are the rest of the pictures you sent in. I nearly lost my dew claw sizing these things to fit all together. I had no idea Photo-Shop was so canine-NOT-friendly.  I think I could make a patchwork quilt now!

I couldn’t be any more proud of you all for sniffing out donations for the AAQI and getting your people to send them in.  I thank you from the tip of my extraordinarily beautiful tail all the way to my wet nose for your help.  Please tell each and every one of your people how special they are.   If they were nearby and sitting in a chair with their legs crossed, I would very gently put my fore-paw around their ankle like I was shaking their hand.  It’s the best that I can do because Mom says I’m not allowed to jump on people, put my paws on their shoulders and plant a big wet one on their mouth.

I’m going to go put my cold nose under Mom’s armpit as a sign of my deep affection for her and as a little thank-you for her letting me blog today, and them I’m going to go take a nap.

Madison

I Hate Houston!

I am particularly annoyed with Houston. I’ve never been there, but I’ve had enough of it. It’s all I’ve been hearing about for weeks. No, make that months. Some dumb quilt show.

All the planning. All the packing. Suitcases everywhere. Mom isn’t paying any attention to me at all and then she’s going to leave me.

It’s just going to be me and Dad while she’s living it up in HOUSTON. She gets to work all day long at some place called The George Brown. Whoever that is.  I bet if George Brown had a dog, he’d stay home with it.

Mom tells everybody she’s going to be in “Row Q.” I don’t know what that is either, but I bet she can’t even find it without me. And she sounds so happy about going! Can dogs pout? I’m pouting.

I want to go to Houston too.

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