Santa Dog Brings Tidings of Joy

Mom’s busy. She is procrastinating. That’s why you haven’t heard from her.

Mom said I could bring you holiday greetings, however. So, like the song about the merry gentlemen resting, I bring you tidings of “Come Fur and Enjoy!” (I’ve recently been brushed.)

I love to wear my Santa suit. Mom made it for me. There was a hat too, but I don’t wear hats. (Tell her, please.) 

We’re wrapping present now, which is a good thing because I don’t smell very many under the tree for Madison. I will smell again later tonight when nobody is looking. Mom doesn’t wait until night-time. She vacuums the presents that say “AMI” under the tree. She tries to see if she can move them around and guess what’s inside or possibly suck part of the paper off. 

Mom is the worst present-wrapper ever. Nothing ever lays flat or matches up. She rips the paper all the time (half the corners are bare and poking out) and she uses lots of tape. I try to help whenever possible by holding things and suggesting places to strategically cover the rips and tears with bows. I wrap for her, but Mom is the only one that likes yellow fur under the tape.

One of our Internet  friends recommended this singing video on You Tube. Mom and I got a big kick out of it, so I hope you watch it. http://vodpod.com/watch/2393854-silent-monks-singing-halleluia

I hope you find something nice to chew on under your tree this year and may all the squirrels that come into your yard be a little slow so that you can catch them and give them big Christmas kisses.

Mom will write again soon. Meanwhile, tell me what you’d like for Christmas!

Madison T. Dog
(A.K.A.  “Santa Dog”)

Dog In Charge

Mom’s busy writing the newsletter today, so she put me in charge of the blog.  She said I should put together a BIG SALE of something I really like. So, I picked her “Dog-Yeared” calendar quilt pattern. Paws down, it is my favorite of all her patterns because, well,  it’s all about dogs!

There is a dog for every month, and they are all adorable, and they look like the month they are supposed to be. You can machine applique them or applique them by hand/paw.

The “Dog-Yeared” calendar quilt pattern comes with full-size patterns and lots of pictures and words to tell you what to do and when to do it. Everything is on a CD which is cool. You can print off only what you need.

You even get a free pattern on the CD for the back of your quilt. (It’s a fire hydrant!)

I look a little consternated in this photograph. The back of Mom’s quilt was on the disign wall, and it was so life-like, and we dogs have …urges… Should I? Shouldn’t I? Don’t worry; I didn’t.

Since we haven’t gotten to January yet, now would be a really good time to start your “Dog-Yeared” quilt. If you want to take advantage of a very special offer (even BETTER than 2-for-1) you have to order before midnight Thursday (9/3/09) or before we run out of CDs.

Don’t wait! Supplies are limited! Order now!

Plus, all orders get a free applique pattern (line drawing) for a block that looks remarkably like me! (It will be emailed to you.) After you read the directions on the CD you can take the line drawing and make a Madison Block.

And, if you’re one of the first 100 people to order Mom says I can give you a chunk of fabric from MY stash.

AND, everyone who buys a “Dog-Yeared” calendar quilt pattern gets a chance to win this “October” block that Mom sewed. Stick it in your quilt! (One down, 11 to go!)

Because I’m helping pack orders this month (part of the deal) please don’t expect our usual speedy delivery. While we will process orders all this week, they won’t ship out until next week, after the holiday. We will email and let you know when your order ships.

Please tell your friends about this special offer and I’ll get more kibble at dinner.

Love,
Madison

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(By the way, she Tweets too.
And she friends everyone on Facebook, even cats!)

Mopey Madison

It’s rainy and miserable today. Mom’s gone. She took off on Sunday. Something about a trip to Pennsylvania or something. As soon as the suitcases came out I went into denial. I hate the suitcases. Especially when there are no signs of my toys in the suitcases. Or kibble in serving sized baggies. Or my leash. Or a tennis ball.

Sometimes I get to go too. Not this time.

I am waiting by the door until she comes home. Me and Dad. Although he doesn’t know you’re supposed to wait by the door. The rules are very specific about that. I keep telling him, but her prefers the recliner.

Mom is having a great time teaching without me. She said she was going to blog about it as soon as she finds time to sneeze. 

 Mom told me to remind you that the auction for the  Alzheimer’s Art Quilt Initiative ends on Wednesday the 10th. She thinks you should all go over there and bid on something because it brings in more money for research.

Bid here: http://www.alzquilts.org/quiltauction.html

I think you should just wait by the door.

Taking Myself For A Walk

The warm weather is back.  I’m an all weather dog. I like warming myself in the sun and I like resting my somewhat hairless underside in a nice patch of  snow too.  Either way; doesn’t matter.

Mom hates winter. She’s not too fond of summer either. She finds fall depressing because it’s only going to get colder. Spring is good. She likes spring. If it’s not too cold or too hot. Seventy-one degrees and she morphs into an Outdoorsy Woman. Until the wind blows. Then she whines.

Now that Mom can stand to walk outside, I get to come to the Mall too. I find this very exciting. I am very good at walking. We just go in the parking lot around the outside edge of the Mall, but away from traffic. Unless it’s too cold then we cut some parts out and walk closer to the buildings.

Mom sometimes gets tired of holding my leash. Sometimes she makes Debbie hold it. Most of the time she let’s me walk myself.

Mom cut off my tail with the camera in this candid shot. She’s so inept with technological things.

Here’s a better view where you can see my tail. I am wagging.

Mom rarely photographs my best side. Out the four sides that I have, my rear is my favorite part of me. I have a beautiful butt with long flowing golden retriever feathers.  If you even come over to see me I will back up into you (so you can see my rear) and then turn around and look at us. I am very flexible.

If you’re curious, I always “go” before I leave home. Mom taught me to pee and poop on command. Mom always has “dog bags” in the car just in case, but I don’t leave presents unless I’m told to. When we go overnight someplace, Mom says I can leave some; so I do. Mom always picks them up. But sometimes there’s no place to put my presents so Mom takes them home to throw away.

Mom would like to take this opportunity to apologize most profusely to any citizens driving down Miller Road about 4 years ago when it started to rain that one day when she forgot we were hauling presents. We’re very sorry. Very sorry indeed.

Oh, in case you can’t read the sticker on the car, it says:

My Golden Retriever is smarter than your Honor Student.

(Can’t say the same for Mom.)

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Pet Day

Mom took me to Tractor Supply in Clio, Michigan  last week. They had a Pet Day where dogs and cats could come and hang out. There was a Vet, animal adoptions, and a talent contest. And lots of dogs!

Mom said I should cover the story with the Doggie Cam.

I liked how the nice lady bent down to look at me.  She was very nice. This was our second “take.” Mommy forgot to turn on the camera the first time. It’s so difficult working with amateurs.

If you ever get a chance to take your people to the store, you should do it. It’s a great chance to sniff new things, and I don’t just mean the rear ends of other dogs. They had great toys and lots of dog food to smell, and of course tracks on the floor, which I find quite interesting.  I also met a cat who was sleeping with her tongue hanging out. I was going to help put it back in, but Mom said not to.

Does anybody know how to edit video?

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Doggie Cam

I have a new toy! I’m not allowed to chew it, my people won’t throw it for me to fetch, and I can’t lick it either. But boy, is it FUN!  I have my very own Doggie Cam!

Mom invented it. She took a quick release mini tripod and Velcro-ed two of its legs to my extra dog collar. The third leg gets wedged in this funny loop on the top of my old service dog backpack, the one I used to wear for my Nannie when I was her helper dog.

It looks like I have a camera growing out of my head in this photo (thanks, Mom) but it isn’t really. It is stuck to my extra collar. And then I have a real collar that works with the leash.

You can see the Velro strips  (red and black) securing the tripod to collar.  I can move my head anywhere I want it to go, including up and down.

The key ring on “handle” of my backpack just keeps the tripod from swinging all the way around to the bottom which would give you an “under chin” view which would be upside-down. My backpack also shifts when I move so it’s pretty comfy. (Yes, and I am a walking car door opener. I just need a human person to push the buttons.)

I have to carry two large bottles of hand cream, one in each side compartment of my backpack so keep it from flopping too much. And then the left pocket gets a bar of soap to counter-weight the camera which has a pretty high center of gravity and no place in the MIDDLE of it to screw onto the tripod. Yes, Mom stays up very late at night to think of these things.

Dad volunteered his old camera, but don’t tell him because I don’t think he knows yet. (Hi, Daddy.)

So when I’m all ready, Mom pops the camera in place and turns it on.  We have some practice videos that mostly show Mom’s behind as I follow her around the house. She said we are NOT going to put those  on YouTube. Then we shot this one last night once I got the hang of wearing the camera.

I can’t go under the table wearing the camera. The table and me are just about the same size. When I walk under it I don’t have to slouch. But, with the camera above my head I clunk the table which terrifies me and makes me run very quickly through the house looking over my shoulder in case the table is chasing me. This causes me to run into other objects which also terrorize me and could possibly come after me.

Going around corners fast is problematic because I sometimes slam the camera into the wall. Mom says that’s why we’re using Dad’s camera. She’s so funny.

Mom also didn’t prepare the house with extra cleaning and such to get it ready for our first video.  We were pretty impromptu. That’s French for “not prepared.” So just ignore the mess. We also forgot to turn on all the lights before we started. Welcome to MY world.

Did you notice that Daddy watches TWO televisions at the same time? He is very talented. He also listens to sports on the radio at the same time and can tell you the score of all the games if you want to know. Mom usually doesn’t want to know. I don’t mind either way. The best part is Daddy always stops whatever he’s doing when Mom starts talking or when I woof to go outside or back in again. AND, he can throw things to me while he watches and listens to stuff.

My favorite part of the video is when Mom ran into the furniture in the dark. I do that all the time. I’m going to watch that part again.

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Lucky Dog Has Own Quilts

 After all that quilt counting the other day I was going to whine that my Mommy never makes me any quilts. Then I remembered that I commandeered one that she made, shown in my mouth here when I was younger. I figure this is close enough.

Mom thought it would be cute to have me pose with her fabric pizza. What she didn’t understand is that anything I put in my mouth then automatically belongs to me. My spit, my thing. Get over it.

I can be slightly neurotic about my fabric things.  I have three: the fabric pizza, a piece of knotted polyester fabric Daddy gave to me and Mommy nearly had a fit over,  and my bedroll when I go to sleep over some place.

I like to carry them around the house and wag furiously. I am very gentle and very proud, holding my head up high and my tail straight out. I also like to massage the fabric with my mouth, like an old man  with a cigar, but I know that’s not allowed. Mom says it’s gross and I think she’s afraid I will chew and choke. Still, sometimes I forget and Mom has to remind me. Sometimes I forget a lot and become a nutcase nuisance. Then Mom has to ask for whatever treasure I have in my mouth back. Next thing I know, I come in from outside and it’s gone. Poof. Disappeared. Don’t know how that happens.

Sometimes, as I have a fairly good nose, I will catch a whiff of one of my hidden fabric things. I am very good at sniffing out my fabric pizza, for example. I will pester Mom to give it to me. I stare intently at where I think it is hiding. (I am usually correct.) Then I back up quickly, perk my ears up, exhale loudly, and stare. I stare at her, I stare at where my fabric pizza is. Back and forth, snorting and dancing until she gives in. 

If she were only slightly more intelligent I wouldn’t have to work so hard. But, like most humans, it’s not her fault. She’s in her own little world.

I have two amazing quilts that were made for me and Mom thinks are hers.

This quilt is of me and it was made by Julie Higgins from Indiana.  Julie saw a picture of me somewhere on Mom’s website that Mom took when I was a puppy. I didn’t belong to her at the time; I lived next door. But I was worming my way into Mom’s heart. This is one of my favorite poses because my jowl is caught up on my big poky side teeth and if you look close you can see that I have two crooked lower teeth.  (They match the two crooked top teeth that you can’t see, and all four of them are very cute.) Humans think I’m smiling, but my jowl is just stuck.

This quilt is actually named after me, Madison Il Cane which is Italian for Madison The Dog, or Madison T. Dog which is me. It was made by Donata Gervasi who is from Italy.

It was made from a picture too, but I don’t know how. Mom made me a tuxedo which I love to wear because then I have three tails. 

Donata made me a pleated shirt just like my real one and sewed whiskers on me and everything. Well on the quilted me. I have my own on the real me.

Mom and I both love these quilts because they are of me and because there is nothing you can do that is more special than giving somebody a quilt, except maybe giving them a kidney or other internal organ, but you wouldn’t want to hang that on the wall. Mom gets to love the quilts close up; and I have to love them from afar. Not even allowed to sniff. Even so, how lucky can a dog be!

Thank you Julie and Donata for making my Mom feel to happy.

Madison T. Dog

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Multi-tasking Annoys Dog

Mom hasn’t blogged for a bit, and she’s sorry. Not sorry enough to wander over to the computer, but “sorry.” I’m not because that means I get to hoist my furry carcass up on her chair and blog instead.

Wait until she has to pick dog hair off her seat, THEN she’ll be sorry.

Mom has been working full tilt on the FindAQuiltTeacher.com web site.  She came up with this great idea to get teachers’ information to people who hire them all in one place, in one format. And, big surprise, people are interested.  So she’s making web pages and things called Teacher Fact Sheets. Big deal.  I am still needy.

Mom likes to multi-task. Personally, I just can’t wrap my head around it. Dogs are single taskers. Accept pets. Stop. Fetch ball.  Stop. Chew ball. Stop. Return ball. Stop. Accept more pets. Stop. I don’t care to be fed while being petted; I might choke on something. If you throw TWO things for me to fetch at the same time I get confused. I know my limitations and I’m OK with them.

Mom accidentally dropped a lone kibble into my water dish the other day and I felt compelled to eat it. Trouble was I had to get to it first which involved much drinking. By time I snagged the stupid thing I was so full of water I sloshed when I walked.  Eating and drinking at the same time:   NOT a good idea.

Today I personally witnessed Mom triple-tasking and it was ugly. I had a bath. Actually, as I am very well-behaved, I have showers. I have shared before that during a “bath” I am imprisoned behind the impenetrable plastic curtain with no way of  escape and that Mom is in there with me.

Let me stress that Mom removes all of her clothing for this irritating ritual and it is pretty pasty white in there. I try not to look. I don’t much care for the partially hairless varieties of my own species. Looking at that much furless anything is almost more than my stomach can handle. I also keep my head down hoping that by doing so I render myself invisible so that the stream of water will not be able to see me and douse it’s intended victim.  So far that hasn’t worked.

Mom has also run out of dog shampoo. Bath & Bodyworks Shower Gel (Cucumber Melon or Green Clover and Aloe) previously only went on my head.  Today it went eveyrwhere. And Jennie, dear human sister, remember that luffa thing you left in the shower last time you were home? I’d let it be. It has seen my nether-regions, if you catch my drift. You may want to buy a new one. But I digress.

In addition to my bath and Mom’s bath, we had a third activity this morning. Mom shaved her legs. Both of them. She mentioned that she was delighted she had enough time to “do both.” (Whatever that means.)

As my job when Mom bathes is to lean against her and patiently wait until the impenetrable plastic curtain is moved to reveal the rest of our bathroom, this new shower activity kept me from doing this.  It also included yet another foul smelling gel which, due to our proximity in the porcelain prison, was unavoidable.  And it didn’t merely suds, it FOAMED. Major ick.

I steadfastly maintained my leaning position, which I thought would make Mom happy, but it did not. It merely caused her to flip around and face the other way for the second leg,  forcing remnants of the “used”  leg foam to touch my fur.  I put up with a lot for this woman.

Once we were sufficiently rinsed and released into the bathroom at large I was forced to endure yet another ordeal: blow drying. The leg thing set Mom back a few minutes so she set the dryer to HIGH. Still the massage felt nice and she probably did that to make me forget I was so odoriferously inconvenienced.

I have now licked myself all over in an attempt to return my rightful dog stink to all of my fur. Several more licking sessions and I shall be back to normal in about a month.

Until then, I remain, embarassinlgy yours,
Madison

Mopey Dog Disses New Web Page

Mom’s ignoring me. Something about some dumb web page rolling out.  FindAQuiltTeacher.com. Who cares. If it was FindAYummyTreat.com I’d be interested. But it isn’t. So I’m not.

I’m not supposed to be on the couch, unless I’m invited up. I wasn’t. But I am anyway. I’m moping.

When Mom leaves on a teaching trip, first I retrieve her socks out of the suitcase and bring them to her. Very helpful; slightly damp. Then I mope.  She tells me to be a good dog and leaves anyway.

Dad and I mope together.

Mom says the new web site will help teachers and shops and quilt guilds get together better.  Something about everything in once place, printing off information for a 3-ring binder. Don’t my toes look nice? Mom trims my toe hairs a lot. And my nails. And she brushes me real good. Except when she’s working on dumb web pages. She’s still typing. Who needs quilt teachers anyway?! I think they should all stay home with their dogs.

I bark in my sleep. You can do it; it’s fun. Close your jowls really tight and bark in a high pitch yelp. See your cheeks puff out. Sounds like a helium bark.  I sometimes run when I sleep. Mom says my paws twitch. Mom jiggles me to wake me up if I do that at night ’cause it wakes up Dad. 

Mom’s still typing. She says lots of teachers are starting to sign up to be on the page and she has to get the part ready for the quilt guilds and shops to join too. She says that will be tomorrow. Big deal. I just fetched her glove. She wasn’t impressed. She couldn’t type if she wore the glove. Sigh. Mope.

I usually lay at Mom’s feet under her desk. If I roll just right I can unplug her keyboard and then

Wigging Out

Madison T. Dog here again. Mom’s laughing too hard to type. She was cleaning out Beebe’s closet upstairs and found her clown wig. My Nannie used to be a clown.

She went to Clown College when she was in her mid-70’s so she could entertain the old people. She talked in a funny voice, painted faces, and once got stopped by the cops on the way to a performance. (She was dressed in her clown outfit at the time.)

All the reminiscing. It was such fun. And then Mom leaned over with the wig and before I knew what was happening I was blond and curly!

I’m hoping I get an extra scoop of kibble for this.

Could I please remind readers that I am a BOY dog. Is there a union representative I should be talking with?

Whatever you do, do NOT under any circumstances tell the squirrels in the back yard. I would never be able to live it down. I’m just grateful they have dial-up and won’t wait until all the pictures load.

Madison, like President Madison, not Dolly.